====== Armand ======
Song to the tune of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJTqmpBnI0|'Gaston']]

PUB GOERS:\\
Have you heard about that Cargan named Armand?\\
That warrior priest with the hair.\\
In love with his cousin he is that Armand,\\
They’re having a torrid affair.\\
Wait didn’t he marry that Graves who’s a god?\\
Are you saying that’s all a lie?\\
It’s true that the facts are a little bit odd\\
But the rumours surrounding this guy.\\

No one’s tall as Armand\\
No it’s //small// as Armand\\
No one’s hight’s as debated with gall as Armand's.\\
Of the Cargans he’s not the most friendly,\\
Rage filled, a spoilt noble brat.\\
Though, when set beside Penny or Henry,\\
No then even still he's just a gigantic prat.\\

No one’s right like Armand,\\
Picks a fight like Armand,\\
No one’s arguments are full of spite like Armand's.\\

EMILY:\\
You do realise that you’re all just speculating?\\

PUB GOERS:\\
Can’t tell a lie ‘bout Armand!\\
If it’s been said,\\
It must be true!\\
Armand’s hiding a massive\\
Traitor Tattoo!\\

No one whines like Armand,\\
Seeds great lines like Armand,\\
When it comes to love nobody pines like Armand.\\

EMILY:\\
Did you mention that he loves his cousin?\\
He’s defending her faith ‘gainst the world.\\
And these pamphlets they come in the dozen,\\

PUB GOERS:\\
//Good God!//\\

EMILY:\\
Can’t you see how the T is so daintily curled?\\

PUB GOERS:\\
No one sprints like Armand,\\
Misses hints like Armand,\\
With a printing press nobody prints like Armand.\\
He’s especially good at deliberating,\\
//Oooh//\\
Ten drafts for Armand.\\

PENNY:\\
When he was a boy he set fire to my hair,\\
Just to laugh as I rolled on the ground.\\
And now that he’s grown he just stares at my hair,\\
And it’s starting to just freak me out…\\

PUB GOERS:\\
No one’s rude like Armand,\\
Their views skewed like Armand’s,\\
Has a general bad attitude like Armand.\\
His whole person and poise is just really grating,\\
God what a dick,\\
Armand!\\

{{tag>"armand" fic}}