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resources:fic:a_man_talking_sense_to_himself [2016/05/17 12:38]
thomasl
resources:fic:a_man_talking_sense_to_himself [2016/06/12 18:25] (current)
emmab
Line 140: Line 140:
  
 "​It'​s irrelevant if it will only interest me.  Go on, you've got me here, what's of interest to you?  What do you want to say?" "​It'​s irrelevant if it will only interest me.  Go on, you've got me here, what's of interest to you?  What do you want to say?"
 +
 +//​Don'​t patronise me//. Is what he's meant to say. Is what he tries to say, in fact - but all of a sudden, halfway through, it's too much: she's dead, and it's too much, and before he can speak, the tears are hot against his lashes, and nothing in the world could make him blink them away, acknowledge this idiocy -
 +
 +"​Don'​t - //damn// it..." ​
 +
 +Her brow furrows into a frown, "Hey, come on, don'​t... oh Armand, come on..."
 +
 +"//​What//?"​ Audible sniff. "​I'​m not. I'm not doing anything."​
 +
 +"Of course you're not," she says, hopping off the desk and sitting down on a chair, "but since you might not get a chance to continue to not do anything again any time soon... that's okay."
 +
 +"​That'​s okay?" he repeats, derisively, swiping his sleeve over his eyes - and okay, fuck, she definitely saw //that//. "I don't need you to tell me what's okay! Gods - it's like I'm more cut up about this than you are. You don't have to worry about anything anymore. You just get to sit there, smug in your martyrdom."​
 +
 +"I think if anyone here's cut up about this-" she starts to say, but pauses and stops. ​ "Trust me," she says, "'​smug'​ is not the right word for endless torture: so at least do me a favour and stop torturing yourself."​
 +
 +"Oh, like you care whether I do or not!" The tears are threatening to spill over, and it's everything he swore he'd never become - depths to which he promised himself he'd never sink. "​I'​d have thought you'd rather relish it, all things considered."​
 +
 +"I thought we discussed that."
 +
 +"In general, sure. But don't tell me you ever cared about what happened to me."
 +
 +"Well, no, not until the end.  Not that we knew it was going to be the end, mind, but the end nevertheless,"​ she says, biting her lip slightly as she does.  "And you're doing it again, Armand: dancing round the issue with your clever words, quietly avoiding answering what you need to answer yourself: what do you want to say?  One shot, one chance, and let's be honest we both know this is for you far more than it is for me."
 +
 +Armand straightens. He's painfully tense, he realises - nails biting into the flesh of his palms. "​You'​re right. It is. And so, frankly, there'​s nothing to say." He's looking at her now - actually seeing her. Unflinching. Calm. "I said everything I needed to back by your coffin."​ Assuming this vision - this spectre - is even aware of that. "'​Thank you' would be insincere. 'I love you'​... you'd take it the wrong way. And that's the sort of thing you only say once." ​
 +
 +Penelope looked at him, her eyes, still red from the blood mannequin she once was, looking into his eyes, boring into his soul, and then she smiled: "You really really aren't that arse of a cousin I used to know."
 +
 +Armand isn't sure whether to take offence at this, or to laugh. He ends up doing an awkward sort of sputter: indignant, yet undignified. ​
 +
 +"The city tends to do that to you," he says, cautiously. "​Political marriage too, oddly. If it doesn'​t send you the other way instead."  ​
  
 {{tag>"​a man talking sense to himself"​ fic}} {{tag>"​a man talking sense to himself"​ fic}}
resources/fic/a_man_talking_sense_to_himself.1463488719.txt.gz ยท Last modified: 2016/05/17 12:38 by thomasl