resources:fic:she_was_there [Memento Mundi]

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====== She Was There ======
**SPOILERS for Galavant 2.6**\\
To the tune of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj5DMchdhAQ|He Was There]]\\

Set before [[resources:adventure:matters_of_trade|Matters of Trade]]

//May contain exaggerations of Simon's backstory//

**Simon:** I was starving in the poorhouse
Where they fed us twice a year
And they tossed me at the door, I asked for more
**Armand:** Aw.

And your dad brought me to your house
And he gave me bread and beer
Also everything you left here in your drawer!
**Armand:** Wait. What?

**Simon:** He was there!
He was there!
Gave me all your underwear
With his sweet, loving care
He was there!
**Armand:** Got to be kidding me.

**Simon:** I was carried off by slavers
Where my parents died of pox
And they sold me to be rendered into goo
**Armand:** Ew!

**Simon:** Then your dad did me two favors
First he cleaned their freaking clocks
Then he gave me all the gear he gave to you!
**Armand:** Hey, that's my favorite hat!

**Simon:** He was there!
He was there!
Random backflip in the air!
Yeah!

So much more...
Love to spare...
Such a gem!
Such a--
Galavant: Stop!

I was practically abandoned
By that smug and selfish jerk
It's like nothing that I did was quite enough
King Richard: That's rough.

**Armand:** First, his ego's out of hand
And all he cares about is work
And I can't believe he gave you all my stuff!
**Simon:** What? No!

Kids: He was there!
**Armand:** Never there!
**Simon:** He was--
**Armand:** Never, ever there!

**Simon:** Sweet and kind
**Armand:** Au contraire!
**Simon:** He's a saint!
**Armand:** Not a prayer!

Nasty and cold-hearted
Such a pig, don't get me started

He's a schmuck!
He's a schmo!
He's the worst!
I should know!
He's my dad!
He's a cad!
...
He's right behind me. Isn't he?






{{tag>"she was there" fic}}
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