SPOILERS for Galavant 2.6
To the tune of He Was There

Set before Matters of Trade

May contain exaggerations of Simon's backstory

Simon: I was starving in the poorhouse Where they fed us twice a year And they tossed me at the door, I asked for more Armand: Aw.

And your dad brought me to your house And he gave me bread and beer Also everything you left here in your drawer! Armand: Wait. What?

Simon: He was there! He was there! Gave me all your underwear With his sweet, loving care He was there! Armand: Got to be kidding me.

Simon: I was carried off by slavers Where my parents died of pox And they sold me to be rendered into goo Armand: Ew!

Simon: Then your dad did me two favors First he cleaned their freaking clocks Then he gave me all the gear he gave to you! Armand: Hey, that's my favorite hat!

Simon: He was there! He was there! Random backflip in the air! Yeah!

So much more… Love to spare… Such a gem! Such a– Galavant: Stop!

I was practically abandoned By that smug and selfish jerk It's like nothing that I did was quite enough King Richard: That's rough.

Armand: First, his ego's out of hand And all he cares about is work And I can't believe he gave you all my stuff! Simon: What? No!

Kids: He was there! Armand: Never there! Simon: He was– Armand: Never, ever there!

Simon: Sweet and kind Armand: Au contraire! Simon: He's a saint! Armand: Not a prayer!

Nasty and cold-hearted Such a pig, don't get me started

He's a schmuck! He's a schmo! He's the worst! I should know! He's my dad! He's a cad! … He's right behind me. Isn't he?